Your Child Wants Discord

How Discord servers, DMs, and friend requests really work — and how to set up an account so a child can use it without being a target.

What might be happening

Discord started as a gamer chat app and is now where many UK teens hang out — group servers for school friends, Minecraft, Roblox, anime, music, or specific YouTubers. Your child is probably asking because a friend group has set up a private server, or because a public community they follow is on Discord. The minimum age is 13.

How serious is it?

Discord can be very safe (a small private server of school friends) or very risky (a large public server with anonymous strangers and direct messages enabled). The risk is not the app itself but where your child uses it. The most common serious issues are grooming through DMs after meeting on a public server, exposure to harmful content in unmoderated servers, and scams targeting Roblox or Minecraft players. Default settings are not tight enough for a young teen.

What to do first

1

Step 1

Ask exactly which server(s) they want to join and why. "My friends' server for school" is very different from "a public Minecraft server with 5,000 members".

2

Step 2

If under 13, decline — Discord's safety tools assume a 13+ user. Revisit at 13 with proper setup.

3

Step 3

Set up Discord Family Centre before they use the app. Link to your account so you can see who they message and which servers they join (not message content).

4

Step 4

Configure privacy settings tightly before they accept any friend requests: DMs from server members off, friend requests from friends-of-friends only.

5

Step 5

Agree a list of allowed servers and a rule that new servers need to be discussed first. Keep this written, in your family agreement.

What to say

  • "A Discord server with just your school friends is fine with me. A big public server with strangers is a different conversation — show me what you want to join."
  • "Friend requests from people you've only talked to on Discord are the main risk. Real-life friends only, unless we talk first."
  • "If someone in a server tries to move you to a private DM or another app, that's the moment to come to me. That's how grooming starts."

Settings to check

When to escalate

If a stranger on Discord is asking for images, asking to meet, threatening your child, or has moved the conversation to Snapchat/Telegram, screenshot everything and report to CEOP (https://www.ceop.police.uk). If your child has been blackmailed about images, also contact the IWF. If your child is in immediate danger, call 999. Action Fraud handles scams (e.g. fake Robux sellers).

Frequently Asked Questions

Last reviewed: 2026-05-17