Best Discord settings for a 13-year-old
Age-appropriate Discord settings for UK 13-year-olds, including Family Centre, no friends-of-friends, scanning all DMs, restricted servers and 2FA.
Discord is rated 13+ and is widely used by young teens for gaming and homework groups. For a 13-year-old, the safe shape is small: only friends they know in person, only servers they can explain, all DMs scanned, and Family Centre linked.
Go through these settings together and revisit them once a term.
Step-by-step
Confirm correct date of birth
User Settings → My Account → Edit profile → Date of Birth. Tip: Under-18 protections only apply if Discord knows the user is under 18.
Link Family Centre
User Settings → Family Centre → Invite parent's account. Tip: Set up before the child has built a long friend list and server collection.
Set message scanning to maximum
User Settings → Privacy & Safety → Safe Direct Messaging → Keep me safe.
Turn friend requests from Friends of Friends and Server Members off
User Settings → Friends Privacy → only Everyone or only specific people, depending on need. Tip: For a 13-year-old, we recommend Friends of Friends and Server members both Off.
Block server-member DMs by default
User Settings → Privacy & Safety → Allow direct messages from server members → Off.
Review servers together
Walk through every server in their sidebar. Leave any they cannot describe in their own words. Tip: Pay special attention to large NSFW-adjacent or 18+ gaming servers.
Agree the off-platform rule
Tell them: if someone they have only met on Discord asks them to move to WhatsApp, Telegram or Snap, they tell you immediately, no consequences.
What not to do
- Do not give a 13-year-old an adult account just because it is easier.
- Do not rely on the app's default settings; review them together.
- Do not demand all passwords with no warning; agree access rules first.
- Do not punish honesty, or your teen will stop telling you when things go wrong.
Red flags to watch for
- Secrecy about who they are talking to, or hiding the screen when you walk in.
- A new "friend" who is noticeably older or pushes for private chat off the app.
- Late-night activity spikes, especially DMs or video calls after midnight.
- Requests to move the conversation to WhatsApp, Telegram, Discord DMs or Snapchat.
- Gifts, V-Bucks, Robux, gift cards or money offered in exchange for photos or calls.
- Sexualised language, requests for images, or pressure to keep secrets from parents.
Frequently Asked Questions
This is practical educational content to support families. For case-specific concerns about a child's safety, contact the NSPCC helpline on 0808 800 5000 or your local safeguarding team.