Digital Safety in Domestic Abuse Contexts
If you or your children are affected by domestic abuse, technology can be both a lifeline and a risk. This guide provides practical, safety-conscious information about managing devices, preserving evidence, and protecting your family in digital spaces.
If you or your children are in immediate danger, call 999. If you cannot speak, call 999 and press 55 — the operator will know you need help.
Freephone 24-hour helpline: 0808 2000 247
Run by Refuge. Free, confidential, 24 hours a day. Also available via live chat at nationaldahelpline.org.uk.
This guidance is for informational purposes. It is not a substitute for emergency services or professional safeguarding support. If a child is in immediate danger, call 999 (UK) or 911 (US) now.
Device safety during abuse
If you are in an abusive relationship, your devices may not be safe. Abusive partners frequently monitor phones, tablets, and computers — sometimes through spyware, sometimes through shared accounts, and sometimes simply by checking your device when you are not watching. Before reading further, consider whether it is safe to view this page on your current device. If you are unsure, you may wish to access this information from a device your partner does not have access to — a work computer, a friend's phone, or a library computer. Clear your browsing history only if you normally do so; a suddenly empty history can itself raise suspicion. Check whether your phone has any unfamiliar apps installed, particularly anything described as a "family tracker", "phone monitor", or "parental control" app that you did not install yourself. Location sharing may be enabled through Google Maps, Apple's Find My, or family sharing features. If you suspect monitoring, do not remove the software or change settings until you have spoken to a domestic abuse professional — abruptly cutting off an abuser's surveillance can escalate the situation.
Coercive control through technology
Technology-facilitated abuse is a form of coercive control, and it is a criminal offence in England and Wales under the Serious Crime Act 2015. It can take many forms: demanding access to your passwords, reading your messages, controlling who you can contact, monitoring your location, recording you without consent, or using your online accounts to humiliate or isolate you. Children are often caught in the middle — they may have their own devices monitored, be used as a conduit for surveillance ("let me see your mum's phone"), or witness technology being used as a tool of control. Recognising technology-facilitated abuse is important because it is often normalised within the relationship. If your partner insists on knowing all your passwords "because we have nothing to hide", tracks your location "for safety", or controls your access to the internet, these are not signs of care — they are signs of control. The National Domestic Abuse Helpline (0808 2000 247) can help you assess your situation and plan next steps safely.
Evidence preservation — safely
If it is safe to do so, preserving digital evidence of abuse can be valuable for future legal proceedings, non-molestation orders, or child custody cases. Screenshot threatening messages, abusive texts, controlling emails, and any evidence of surveillance or monitoring. Include timestamps and the sender's details in every screenshot. Store evidence somewhere your partner cannot access — a separate email account created on a safe device, a trusted friend's cloud storage, or a USB stick kept outside the home. Do not store evidence on a shared device or in a cloud account your partner can access. If it is not safe to gather evidence, do not do it. Your safety and your children's safety always come first. The police and domestic abuse services are experienced in building cases without victim-gathered evidence. If you do collect evidence, tell your solicitor or domestic abuse support worker so they can advise on how it can be used. The charity Rights of Women (rightsofwomen.org.uk) provides free legal advice for women experiencing domestic abuse.
Preparing to leave — digital checklist
If you are planning to leave an abusive relationship, there are important digital steps to consider — but only take these actions when it is safe to do so, and ideally with guidance from a domestic abuse professional. Before leaving: make a note of important account details (bank logins, benefit accounts, email addresses), gather digital evidence if safe, and identify which devices are in your name. After leaving and when safe: change passwords on all personal accounts, enable two-factor authentication, remove your partner's access from shared accounts (email, cloud storage, streaming services, banking), check all devices for tracking apps and remove them, update your privacy settings on all social media, turn off location sharing, and contact your phone provider about account security. If your child has a phone, check it for tracking software too. Change your home Wi-Fi password if you remain in the family home. Inform your child's school that your address and contact details should not be shared with the other parent without your consent. Refuge's Tech Safety project (refugetechsafety.org) provides specialist guidance on all of these steps.
Supporting children affected by domestic abuse
Children who have lived with domestic abuse carry their experiences into their digital lives. They may have learned that monitoring is normal, that controlling behaviour is a sign of love, or that privacy is something they are not entitled to. These beliefs can make them vulnerable to abusive relationships of their own — both online and offline. Talk to your child, in age-appropriate ways, about healthy relationships and what respectful behaviour looks like in digital spaces. A partner who demands your passwords, checks your phone, or tells you who you can follow online is not showing love — they are showing control. Some children who have witnessed abuse may themselves display controlling behaviour online, or may struggle with boundaries in their digital relationships. This is not unusual and does not mean they are destined to repeat the pattern — but it does mean they need support. The charity Childline (0800 1111) offers confidential support for children affected by domestic abuse. The NSPCC's Speak Out Stay Safe programme works with schools to help children recognise abuse and know where to get help. Women's Aid (womensaid.org.uk) has a dedicated children and young people's section with age-appropriate resources.
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