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Message to your child after an online incident

Short, supportive message to send your child after something has happened online — designed to lower shame and open a conversation.

When to use this template

Use when you have just learned about an online incident involving your child (a message, image, contact, or argument), and you want to reach them in writing before talking in person.

Tone guidance

  • Lead with "I'm not angry" and "you are not in trouble". These are the two things they are most afraid of.
  • Do not ask for details by text. Save those for a calm in-person conversation.
  • Avoid sarcasm, capital letters, or guilt-trips.
  • Use their name or nickname. Keep it warm, not formal.

Template

Hi [YOUR CHILD'S NAME],

I know about [WHAT HAPPENED — SHORT]. I'm not angry with you. You are not in trouble.

This kind of thing happens to a lot of young people, and the most important thing right now is that you're okay.

When you're ready — [WHEN] is fine, or sooner if you'd like — I'd like us to sit down for a few minutes. You don't have to explain everything. We'll figure out what to do together.

You can write back, send a thumbs up, or just come find me. Whatever is easiest.

I love you.
[YOU]

Fields to replace

Before sending, swap every bracketed placeholder for your own details. If a field does not apply, delete the whole line.

  • Your child's name or nickname[YOUR CHILD'S NAME]
  • What happened (very short, neutral)[WHAT HAPPENED — SHORT]
  • When you'd like to talk[WHEN]

    e.g. "tonight", "after school", "whenever you're ready".

  • Your name / how they call you[YOU]

What to attach

  • Nothing. This is a doorway, not a debrief.

What not to include

  • Screenshots of what they sent or received.
  • Threats to take their phone, ground them, or tell other family members.
  • Comments about how stupid, naive, or careless they were.
  • Multiple paragraphs of advice — keep it short.

Related

Reporting: report to schoolReporting: report to ceopGuide: sextortionGuide: bullying

External sources

Last reviewed: 2026-05-20Next review: 2026-08-20Reviewed against: UK safeguarding practice

This is practical educational content to support families. For case-specific concerns about a child's safety, contact the NSPCC helpline on 0808 800 5000 or your local safeguarding team.