Is name-calling between pupils child-on-child abuse?

It can be. KCSIE 2025 includes harmful sexual behaviour, online abuse, and coercive or threatening behaviour. Persistent name-calling tied to identity, sex, or sexuality should be taken seriously, not dismissed.

What if both children are described as victim and perpetrator at different points?

This is common, especially online. Treat both as children who may need support and protection. The DSL will work with relevant agencies to assess risk and plan for each child individually.

Should parents always be told immediately?

Not always in the first instance — especially where contacting parents might put a child at greater risk. The DSL decides the approach in line with the school's policy and any multi-agency advice.

For staff

Responding to Child-on-Child Abuse: A Calm Framework

Calm, structured steps for recognising, recording, responding to, and referring child-on-child abuse — including online and sexualised behaviour — without dismissing or escalating disproportionately.

Overview

KCSIE 2025 expects schools to assume that child-on-child abuse is happening, even if no incidents have been reported. It can be physical, verbal, sexual, online, or coercive. The response must be proportionate — neither dismissing it as "banter" nor over-criminalising children. The Brook Sexual Behaviours Traffic Light Tool helps staff judge whether behaviour is age-appropriate, concerning, or harmful.

Key points

Believe the child. Listen without leading. Record their words.
Use the four Rs: Recognise, Record, Respond, Refer.
Consider both the alleged victim and the alleged perpetrator as children who may need support.
Online and offline behaviour must be considered together — they often overlap.
Sexualised behaviour can be developmentally normal, concerning, or harmful — use a recognised tool to judge.
Confidentiality cannot be promised; safety comes first.

Practical steps

Step 1

Find a quiet space, calm tone, neutral body language. Do not interrogate.

Step 2

Use open prompts: "Can you tell me what happened?" "What happened next?"

Step 3

Write down the child's words verbatim as soon as possible.

Step 4

Inform the DSL the same working day — sooner if there is an immediate risk.

Step 5

Do not search devices or view images without DSL direction.

Step 6

Plan support for both children involved, with parents informed as agreed.

Checklist

Tick boxes are for on-screen working only — they do not save between visits. Use the checklist as a prompt and capture outcomes in your school's safeguarding system.

Child's account recorded verbatim and dated
DSL informed the same working day
Both children's needs considered separately
Brook Traffic Light Tool used where relevant
Decision on parent communication agreed with DSL
Single-agency or multi-agency referral considered
Support plan in place for both children

What not to do

Do not use language such as "boys will be boys" or "just banter."
Do not ask leading questions or make promises about outcomes.
Do not contact the alleged perpetrator's parents before the DSL has decided the approach.
Do not view, copy, or share any images even to gather evidence.

Frequently Asked Questions

External sources

Keeping Children Safe in Education 2025 — Part Five — Department for Education
Sexual Behaviours Traffic Light Tool — Brook
Harmful sexual behaviour framework — NSPCC Learning

Last reviewed: 2026-05-20Next review: 2026-08-20Reviewed against: KCSIE 2025

This is practical educational content to support families. For case-specific concerns about a child's safety, contact the NSPCC helpline on 0808 800 5000 or your local safeguarding team.