What controls should I turn on before giving my child their first phone?

Set it up on a child account (Apple Family Sharing or Google Family Link), block explicit content and 17+ apps, require approval for downloads and purchases (Ask to Buy), turn on SafeSearch, limit messaging to known contacts, and set downtime plus a rule that the phone charges outside the bedroom overnight. Do this before handing it over, not after.

Should I secretly monitor my child's first phone?

Be open rather than covert. Explain that the controls exist to help keep them safe, agree what you will and won't check, and keep the 'come to me with anything' door open. Secret surveillance, once discovered, destroys trust and makes children hide problems — the opposite of what keeps them safe.

Which apps should wait until my child is older?

Messaging with known family and friends is usually fine early on. Social media (most set a minimum age of 13) and open-chat or anonymous apps are best held back until your child is older and you've talked through the risks. Add apps gradually as your child shows they can handle them, rather than all at once.

Plan ahead

Setting Up Your Child's First Phone Safely

A practical, step-by-step walkthrough for setting up a child's first smartphone — the controls to turn on, the apps to hold back, and the family agreement to make it stick.

What might be happening

You've decided your child is ready for their first phone (or they're getting one for a birthday, moving to secondary school, or walking home alone). This is a big step: a smartphone is a camera, an internet browser, a games console, and a doorway to everyone online, all in one pocket-sized device. Setting it up thoughtfully on day one is far easier than trying to add controls later once habits have formed.

How serious is it?

This is a positive milestone, not an emergency — but the setup you do now matters. An unconfigured smartphone gives a child unfiltered internet, an app store, and open messaging. A well-configured one, paired with an agreed set of family rules, lets your child enjoy the benefits while keeping the biggest risks (inappropriate content, stranger contact, overspending, and sleep disruption) in check.

What to do first

Step 1

Set the phone up on a child account (Apple: Family Sharing with a child Apple Account; Android: Google Family Link) so you can manage it from your own device.

Step 2

Turn on Screen Time / Family Link content restrictions before handing it over: block explicit content, require approval for app downloads and purchases, and limit adult websites.

Step 3

Decide which apps go on now and which wait — messaging with known contacts is usually fine; social media and open-chat apps can wait until they're older.

Step 4

Agree the family rules together and write them down: where the phone charges overnight (not the bedroom), screen-off times, and the 'you can always come to me' promise.

What to say

Phrases that help

"This phone is a big responsibility, and I trust you — the settings are here to help, not because I don't."
"If anything online ever worries or upsets you, you can always tell me and you won't be in trouble."
"We'll charge phones downstairs overnight — that's the rule for everyone, me included."

What not to say

✗"Here you go, do what you like." — handing over an unconfigured phone with no conversation.
✗"I'll be secretly checking everything you do." — covert monitoring damages trust; be open about controls.
✗"You can have every app your friends have." — age limits and readiness matter more than matching peers.

Settings to check

•Content & Privacy Restrictions (Apple) or Family Link content filters (Android) set to block explicit content and 17+ apps.
•Ask to Buy / purchase approval turned on so downloads and in-app spending need your OK.
•SafeSearch on Google and YouTube (or YouTube Kids for younger children), and communication limited to known contacts.
•Downtime / Bedtime schedules and daily app limits set, with the phone charging outside the bedroom overnight.

When to escalate

This is a setup guide rather than an incident. If, once the phone is in use, your child is contacted by a stranger, sees something inappropriate, or is bullied, follow the specific guidance for that situation — and remember CEOP (ceop.police.uk), the NSPCC helpline (0808 800 5000), and Childline (0800 1111) are there if you need them.

Frequently Asked Questions

Last reviewed: 2026-07-13 · This page is educational guidance, not a substitute for emergency services, safeguarding professionals, or legal advice.

This is practical educational content to support families. For case-specific concerns about a child's safety, contact the NSPCC helpline on 0808 800 5000 or your local safeguarding team.