Should I respond to the sender myself to find out who they are?

No. Engaging with them tells the sender the account is being read, may escalate threats, and can damage any future investigation. Block, screenshot, and report.

My child is embarrassed and doesn't want me to tell anyone.

Tell them that the only people who will see the report are people whose job is to help. Reassure them they will not get in trouble. For serious cases (sextortion, grooming, threats) you still need to report — but you can do it without naming your child publicly. Childline (0800 1111) can also support them directly.

How long should I keep the evidence?

Keep all screenshots, the original message thread (do not delete), and any related material for at least 12 months, or until the police or platform confirm the case is closed. Store it somewhere your child cannot accidentally delete.

Urgent

Your Child Received a Scary or Upsetting Message

What to do first when your child shows you a frightening message, threat, or unwanted contact online.

If your child is in immediate danger, call 999

For urgent reports of online grooming, sextortion, or contact with an unknown adult, you can also report to CEOP. For child sexual abuse imagery, report to IWF.

What might be happening

Your child has come to you with a message that scared, threatened, or confused them. This might be a stranger trying to get personal information, a peer making threats, a sexualised message, a fake job or money offer, or a request to keep something secret. The fact that they have come to you is the most important thing — that means they trust you. The next minutes shape whether they keep coming to you in future.

How serious is it?

Most scary messages turn out to be lower-risk than they first feel — phishing, ill-judged teen humour, or a one-off creep who can be blocked. But some are serious: grooming, sextortion, or sustained bullying. The way to tell the difference is to look at the content carefully, check for patterns (is this person already in contact through other apps?), and decide whether reporting is needed.

What to do first

Step 1

Stay visibly calm. Your child is reading your face. Say "I'm really glad you showed me — let's look at this together."

Step 2

Do not delete the message. Take a screenshot of the message, the sender's profile/handle, and the timestamp. If the sender is on another app, screenshot that too.

Step 3

Read the message carefully. Note: who sent it, what they asked for, whether they threatened anything, whether they asked your child to keep it secret.

Step 4

Block the sender on the app. Do not reply to them first.

Step 5

Decide reporting. Sexual content from an adult to a child → CEOP. Threats of violence → 101 or 999 if immediate. Fraud or extortion → Action Fraud. Pure peer bullying → the platform's report function and possibly the school.

What to say

Phrases that help

"Thank you for showing me. That took courage."
"This is not your fault. People who do this are skilled at making children feel responsible."
"We're going to handle this together. You don't have to do anything by yourself."

What not to say

✗"Why did you even talk to them?" — blame shuts the conversation down.
✗"Just block them and forget it." — minimising loses the chance to assess risk properly.
✗"I told you that app was dangerous." — save the post-mortem for later.

Settings to check

•On the affected app: block the sender, then check who else can message your child (set to friends-only).
•Review whether the sender knows your child's school, real name, or location. If yes, this is higher risk.
•Check other apps your child uses — has the same person contacted them elsewhere? Sometimes groomers cross-platform.
•Tighten privacy settings on all messaging-capable apps.

When to escalate

If the sender is an adult asking your child for images, asking to meet, or threatening to share images: this is a CEOP report (https://www.ceop.police.uk). If your child is being threatened with violence or is in immediate danger, call 999. If the sender appears to be impersonating someone known to your child, also alert that person and their school. Do not arrange to meet anyone.

Frequently Asked Questions

Last reviewed: 2026-05-17 · This page is educational guidance, not a substitute for emergency services, safeguarding professionals, or legal advice.

This is practical educational content to support families. For case-specific concerns about a child's safety, contact the NSPCC helpline on 0808 800 5000 or your local safeguarding team.