My child is starting secondary school and wants a phone. How do I set it up safely?

Start with a phone that has parental controls enabled. Set up content filtering, app installation approval, screen time limits, and location sharing. Agree clear ground rules before handing it over — ideally written down as a family phone contract.

My 13-year-old now qualifies for social media. How do I manage this?

Go through the sign-up process together. Set the account to private, review who can message them, and disable location tagging. Follow or connect with them on the platform. Establish that you'll check in regularly — not to spy, but to stay involved.

How do I talk about sexting and image-sharing with an 11-year-old?

Be matter-of-fact: explain that sending or receiving naked or semi-naked images is illegal for under 18s and that images can be shared beyond the intended recipient. Emphasise that if they ever receive such an image, they should tell you immediately and that they won't be in trouble.

11–13 years

Navigating the pivotal transition to secondary school, first smartphones, and social media with confidence.

The move to secondary school is one of the biggest transitions in a child's life, and it usually coincides with getting a first smartphone and joining social media. Children in this age group are navigating new friendships, growing independence, and puberty — all while being immersed in a digital world. Open communication and clear boundaries are essential to help them manage this period safely.

What's typical at this age

• Puberty brings heightened emotional sensitivity and a strong desire to fit in, making children more vulnerable to peer pressure and online manipulation.
• Abstract thinking is developing but risk assessment is still immature; they may understand dangers intellectually but believe 'it won't happen to me'.
• Identity exploration is beginning — children may experiment with how they present themselves online, sometimes in risky ways.
• Social hierarchy and group dynamics become intense; exclusion, gossip, and status-seeking often play out through group chats and social media.

Key risks at this age

cyberbullying grooming social media safety group chats privacy oversharing harmful content

Conversation tips

Online grooming

Try saying: "Sometimes people online build trust slowly and make you feel special before asking for something inappropriate. If anyone — even someone your age — makes you uncomfortable or asks you to keep secrets from us, please tell me. I will always believe you."

Avoid: Avoid only warning about 'strangers' — children this age are more often groomed by people they feel they know and trust online.

Group chat behaviour

Try saying: "Group chats can be fun, but they can also turn nasty quickly. You can always leave a chat that makes you uncomfortable, and you can always screenshot and show me if something worries you."

Avoid: Avoid banning group chats entirely without discussion — this isolates your child socially and pushes activity underground.

Digital footprint

Try saying: "Everything you post, share, or comment can be screenshotted and shared. Before you post something, think: would I be happy for my teacher or grandparent to see this?"

Avoid: Avoid using scare tactics about universities and employers checking their feed — this feels abstract and irrelevant to a 12-year-old.

Recommended boundaries

Smartphone use

Phones are charged overnight outside the bedroom. No device use after an agreed evening time.

Late-night phone use is strongly associated with sleep deprivation, anxiety, and exposure to risks when children are tired and less guarded.

Social media

All social media accounts must be set to private. Parents must know the account details and check in regularly.

Public profiles expose children to unwanted contact, and regular check-ins maintain a channel of communication about their online life.

Sharing images

Never send, forward, or request intimate or semi-naked images. Report any such requests immediately.

Sharing intimate images of under 18s is illegal under UK law, regardless of who took them. Children need to understand this clearly.

Warning signs to watch for

high

Receiving gifts, top-ups, or in-game items from someone you don't know.

This is a common grooming tactic. Talk to your child calmly, gather information, and report to CEOP if there is any indication of an adult targeting them.

medium

Sudden withdrawal from family, friends, or activities they used to enjoy.

Explore gently whether something has happened online. Check for signs of cyberbullying or harmful contact. Consider speaking to their school if the change is pronounced.

medium

Being unusually protective of their phone — taking it everywhere, sleeping with it, panic when asked to hand it over.

Revisit your family agreement about device checks. Approach with curiosity rather than confrontation: 'I've noticed you're really attached to your phone lately — is everything alright?'

Key statistics

91% of children in the UK own a smartphone by the age of 11. — Ofcom Children and Parents Media Use and Attitudes Report 2024
One in four children aged 11–13 has been contacted by a stranger online who tried to befriend them. — NSPCC How Safe Are Our Children Report 2024