How to recognise bullying at school, understand what schools are legally required to do, and support your child effectively — from everyday exclusion to serious incidents.
Bullying at school is deliberate, repeated behaviour intended to hurt someone physically or emotionally. It can be physical aggression, name-calling, threats, spreading rumours, deliberate exclusion from friendship groups, or damaging and taking belongings. Unlike an ordinary falling-out between friends, bullying follows a pattern and usually involves an imbalance of power, and it can seriously affect a child's confidence, sleep, attendance and learning.
Bullying often starts small, with teasing or exclusion that is easy to dismiss, and escalates once the child targeted seems unlikely to tell anyone. Many children hide it out of shame, fear of making things worse, or worry that adults will take over and embarrass them. Because classmates are connected through group chats and social media, bullying that starts in the playground often continues at home in the evenings, so the child never gets respite. Bystanders matter too: bullying thrives where other children watch silently and fades where they refuse to join in.
In your child's behaviour
On their device
Keep everyday conversations about school open
Ask specific, low-pressure questions about breaktimes, lunch and friendships rather than a general 'how was school'. Children who talk routinely about the small stuff find it easier to raise the big stuff early.
Read the school's anti-bullying policy
Every school should have one, and state schools are legally required to have a behaviour policy that includes measures to prevent bullying. Knowing what the school has committed to, and who to contact, puts you in a much stronger position if you ever need it.
Build friendships and confidence outside school
Clubs, sport and activities away from school give a child a separate friendship group and a place where they feel valued. That makes them more resilient and less isolated if things go wrong at school.
In immediate danger: call 999. For non-emergency police matters, call 101.
Concerned about a child but it's not an emergency? NSPCC helpline 0808 800 5000. Childline for young people 0800 1111.
This is practical educational content to support families. For case-specific concerns about a child's safety, contact the NSPCC helpline on 0808 800 5000 or your local safeguarding team.
Myth: Bullying is a normal part of growing up and toughens children up.
Fact: Bullying is not character-building; it is linked to anxiety, low confidence, school avoidance and lasting distress. Schools are expected to prevent it, not treat it as a rite of passage.
Myth: If my child were being bullied, they would tell me.
Fact: Many children hide bullying out of shame, fear of retaliation, or worry that adults will make it worse. Changes in mood, sleep, belongings and attitude to school are often the first signals, not a conversation.
Myth: It only really counts if it is physical.
Fact: Verbal abuse, deliberate exclusion, rumour-spreading and online pile-ons can harm a child as much as physical bullying, and they are covered by school anti-bullying duties in exactly the same way.
Young children often lack the word 'bullying' and may just say someone is 'being mean' or become clingy and reluctant about school. Keep questions simple and concrete, watch for changes in behaviour, and raise concerns with the class teacher early; at this age problems are usually easiest to resolve.
Friendship groups shift a lot at this age, so help your child tell the difference between a falling-out and a repeated pattern aimed at them. Make clear that telling an adult is not telling tales, and work with the class teacher before problems become entrenched ahead of secondary school.
The move to secondary school is a common point for bullying to start, and it often runs through group chats as well as corridors. Know who the form tutor and head of year are, encourage your child to save evidence of anything that happens online, and act early rather than hoping it settles.
Older teenagers often hide bullying fiercely and may resist any adult involvement, so watch attendance, mood and sleep rather than waiting to be told. Give them as much say as possible in how the school is involved, while being honest that you cannot ignore something that is harming them, especially in exam years.
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