Recognising controlling, coercive and abusive behaviour in teenage relationships, what UK law says, and how to support your teen without pushing them away.
Abuse can happen in teenage relationships, not just adult ones. It includes controlling behaviour, such as a partner monitoring their phone or location, dictating what they wear and who they see, and pressuring them for sexual images, as well as emotional, physical or sexual abuse. Because constant contact and jealousy are often presented as signs of devotion, it can be genuinely hard for a teenager, and for their parents, to recognise what is happening. UK law recognises this: the legal definition of domestic abuse covers victims aged 16 and over, and controlling or coercive behaviour in an intimate relationship is a criminal offence.
Abusive teenage relationships often begin with intense, flattering attention: constant messages, wanting to be together all the time, quick declarations of love. Control creeps in gradually, with demands for passwords and live location, criticism of friends and family, sulking or rage when messages are not answered instantly, and pressure for images that can later be used as leverage. The teenager slowly adjusts their behaviour to avoid upsetting their partner and drifts away from friends, hobbies and family, which deepens their dependence on the relationship. Phones and social media make the monitoring constant, so there is no natural break from it.
In your child's behaviour
On their device
Talk early about what a healthy relationship looks like
Well before serious relationships start, talk about respect, trust and privacy, and name the counterfeits: jealousy, possessiveness and constant checking are control, not love. Teens who have heard this framing from you are quicker to recognise it in real life.
Stay open and judgement-free about their relationships
Teens confide in parents they do not expect to be met with blame or an instant ban. Show interest in their partner, ask open questions, and make clear they can tell you anything without losing their phone or their freedom as a first response.
Set out digital boundaries and the law on images
Be explicit that sharing passwords or location is never a required proof of love, and that no one who cares about them will demand it. Make sure they know that making or sharing sexual images of anyone under 18 is illegal, and that pressure to send images is a form of abuse they can always bring to you.
In immediate danger: call 999. For non-emergency police matters, call 101.
Concerned about a child but it's not an emergency? NSPCC helpline 0808 800 5000. Childline for young people 0800 1111.
This is practical educational content to support families. For case-specific concerns about a child's safety, contact the NSPCC helpline on 0808 800 5000 or your local safeguarding team.
Myth: Teenage relationships are puppy love; real abuse only happens between adults.
Fact: Coercive control, image-based abuse and physical and sexual violence all occur in teenage relationships. UK law recognises domestic abuse against victims aged 16 and over, and the same harmful patterns appear in younger teens' relationships.
Myth: Jealousy and constant checking-in show how much they care.
Fact: Persistent jealousy, monitoring and demands for access are early forms of control and are consistently among the first warning signs of an abusive relationship. Care respects boundaries; control erodes them.
Myth: If it were really bad, my teen would simply end it.
Fact: Leaving is the hardest step in any abusive relationship. Love, fear, shame, isolation from friends and threats, including threats to share private images, all keep young people trapped, which is why patient support matters more than pressure to break up.
Long before romance, lay the foundations: friendships should feel kind, nobody is entitled to control them or make them keep uncomfortable secrets, and they can always tell you anything. Children who grow up with these ideas are better equipped to spot controlling behaviour later.
First crushes and relationships often play out largely in messages. Talk about respect and boundaries online: nobody is entitled to instant replies, passwords, or photos, and real affection does not punish them for having other friends. Keep conversations light and regular rather than one big talk.
Relationships become more serious and more private at this age. Discuss coercion and image pressure directly, including the law on under-18 images, and agree a no-questions-asked arrangement where they can call you for a lift or an exit from any situation. Stay curious about their partner rather than interrogating.
At this age abuse in their relationship falls within the legal definition of domestic abuse, and your teen is close to independence, so respect their autonomy while staying visibly available. Know the support routes, such as the safeguarding lead at school or college, the GP and specialist services, and keep your home a place they can always return to without judgement.
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